I was raised in a Christian home by loving devoted Christian parents. I attended church three times a week. Both parents were very active in the church. My father was a Deacon and Sunday School Superintendent, and both parents were leaders in the youth ministry, yet I was too afraid to admit that I was in an abusive relationship.
It started out as a normal teenage relationship. The first year of the relationship was wonderful. I was young and in love. But in to the second year, he became increasingly jealous. I was not allowed to spend time with my friends, talk to any males (not friends or relatives) and could not attend any school functions. Eventually I was not allowed to even wear makeup or curl my hair.
It was my Home Economics teacher who finally reached out to me. She recognized the signs and simply asked if she could help. Had it not been for her, I don’t know where I would be. She let me know that I was not alone and that there is a way to escape. She saved my life.
If you are in an unhealthy relationship, if you feel like you can’t be yourself around him, if you need help – please reach out to a trusted adult. If you are uncomfortable telling your parents, I encourage you to confide in a teacher or school counselor. It worked for me.
To all school employees: Please get involved! Take notice. Learn the signs of teen violence. You can make a difference by simply asking “can I help?”
Crista Murdock
Mrs. Kansas International 2010
Some warning signs to talk to your teen about to see if they are in an abusive teen relationship or a victim of teen dating violence include:
- Jealous or controlling behavior, including over friends, appearance, and eating habits
- Sexual pressure
- Pressure to use drugs or alcohol
- Name-calling or swearing
- A partner losing his or her temper, blaming the other for his or her behavior
- A partner insulting or embarrassing the other in front of others
- Any form of physical violence
- A partner threatening to hurt others or him or herself
Warning signs of an abusive teen relationship or teen dating violence, including:
- Unexplained injuries
- Changes in appearance
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- Giving up activities that were once enjoyed
- Changes in behavior or mood – acting depressed, anxious, or secretive, or acting out
- Alcohol or drug use
- Apologizing for or justifying a partner’s behavior – especially his or her temper
- Acting afraid of a partner, or worrying about making him or her angry
- One partner is possessive and makes all the decisions
- One partner insults, criticizes or embarrasses the other
Learn about ways to help at http://www.RoseBrooks.com
